Shaun wants to…

I know there has to be some deep life meaning metaphor in what I’m about to say but I can’t think of anything to relate to this. Coffee, in an open container (perhaps a FUCK OFF I’m reading the Onion mug), has about a 7 minute window of perfect temperature. Drink it right off the stove, or right after pouring it from the coffee pot and you’re slurping like an old man who’s reached the bottom of his soup, attracting annoyed attention from coworkers or roommates, depending on your slurp location. Drink it too far after whichever heating method you used and you might as well just throw some ice in there and wait longer or find some flat soda to drink since I find both flat soda and room temperature coffee to be about the same on the “nasty but I’ll still drink as much as I can tolerate” scale.

The rate at which coffee must be consumed is the exact inverse of how much coffee is left in your mug. The more coffee you have in the mug the slower it loses its heat (duh), so the slower you can drink it. As you approach having no coffee you must guzzle more and take bigger gulps. This coffee situation is quite annoying. I’m not one to get up often just to heat my coffee up, only to have to wait a while to be able to drink it again. And I refuse to slurp.

On that note it’s been about 8 minutes since I sat down to write this and my coffee is now a cup of Joe has been. I shall overcome this by using the add more hot coffee to the cup method. Oh sweet victory!